But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
