This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
