yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
