i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
