How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
