i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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