nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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