I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
