watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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