what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
