dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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