What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
