Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
