Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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