Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think i have two assholes
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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