I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
