If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
