I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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