The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
