I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
