Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Ladies don't puke and tell
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
