I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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