glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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