i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sorry about my life...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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