chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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