Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Your dad touched me again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
