Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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