somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just blew my weed a kiss
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
