i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she smelled like a LAN party
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
