FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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