I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
