the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
