Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
