I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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