we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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