Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
