I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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