Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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