she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
