i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
