This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
