It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
