i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
