i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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