I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
