He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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