My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
