So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
