Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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