and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
