my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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