its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
