FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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