I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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