I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
be right there i have to get my cape
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
