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At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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