It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
its like you know when i get waxed
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...