He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
