So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running