we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
