I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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