They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
