she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
