Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
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the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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