YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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