3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize