Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
