piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
