that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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