Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
