dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
