There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
