Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
