wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Houston, we have a squirter
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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