I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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