I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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