we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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