nut hugger
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
