Non-Jews are for practice
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
