3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.