I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice