wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.